What is Eternal Love: Does it really exist?

illustration of a man and woman showing eternal love towards each other with blue and red flowers

I've seen countless people grappling with questions about love. Maybe you're reading this article because you're curious about the concept of eternal love, or perhaps you're going through a rough patch in your relationship. Whatever your reason, I want you to know that I understand why you want to understand if eternal love truly exists.

Many of us have grown up with distorted ideas about love. Movies, TV shows, and even social media influencers often present an idealized version of relationships that rarely reflects reality. These stories create unrealistic standards and myths that many of us feel pressured to live up to. When our real-life experiences don't match these ideals, we might start to worry that something is wrong with our relationships.

The truth is, the concept of love is often misunderstood. That's why I've decided to write this article. My goal is to discuss love honestly, without embellishment, but also without falling into cynicism or pessimism. After all, while it's important to be realistic, I believe there's still room for a bit of romance in our lives.

What eternal love is definitely not

As I said in the beginning, many people struggle with unrealistic expectations about love. Barbara Fredrickson, psychologist and author of “Love 2.0,” points out a key issue:

“Thinking of love purely as romance or commitment that you share with one special person — as it appears most on earth do —surely limits the health and happiness you derive.”

This quote highlights the problem of viewing love too narrowly. Eternal love is not about limiting ourselves to a single, idealized form of relationship.

One of the main challenges in understanding love is the tendency to either over-romanticize it or reduce it to mere chemistry. The truth, I believe, lies somewhere in between.

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Eternal love is not about eternal passion

It’s true that passion often comes along with love, working as an igniting force, a light that indicates that we really love someone or something. So it’s not surprising that many people panic when it begins to wane, as to a lot of people it signals the end of love. This fear is often fueled by romantic media portrayals of perfect, passionate relationships.

In reality, a decrease in passion is natural and doesn't necessarily mean love is fading. It's simply how our brain chemistry evolves over time. Some might call it habituation and say that it's terrible. “The fire is going away, this is probably the end” – you might hear from somebody or even say it. However, I would not call it habituation. Think of it more as the maturation of your love. A love that has passed the period of childhood.

This process of growing up in love reminds me of the evolution of kissing. If you are reading this text in your 20s, you probably know that adults never kiss like teenagers do. They have their own way of doing it, which is a lot more emotional and expressive. If you had that experience in your teenage years, then you probably remember that period with an ironic laugh. And you don't think about going back to that style, do you?

To end this point, I want to share with you a great quote from one more psychologist Jonathan Haidt. This quote is taken from his book “The Happiness Hypothesis”, were he described what he calls “the love myth”:

“True love is passionate love that never fades; if you are in true love, you should marry that person; if love ends, you should leave that person because it was not true love; and if you can find the right person, you will have true love forever. You might not believe this myth yourself, particularly if you are older than thirty; but many young people in Western nations are raised on it, and it acts as an ideal that they unconsciously carry with them even if they scoff at it... But if true love is defined as eternal passion, it is biologically impossible.”

Eternal love is not about being able to be together 24/7

Another misconception is that eternal love means wanting to be with your partner 24/7. Many couples broke up during that period. But does it mean they didn't love each other? Of course not. It's just that each of us has our own personal comfort zone and personal space. And we don't like it when someone stays there for a long time.

The issue of being available 24/7 is more a matter of temperament, character, and personal space. It doesn't bother you because you've stopped loving someone, but because your internal boundaries are being violated.

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Eternal love is also not about maintaining constant romance.

When a relationship first starts, men often give flowers, plan romantic evenings, or do other romantic things. This is all part of flirting, a way to win the woman’s heart. However, since we all often get used to good things, we feel sad when they disappear from our lives or become less frequent.

Yet, sometimes we don't notice other small but pleasant things: compliments on how delicious dinner was, support in new endeavors, taking responsibility for solving some problems, or buying a chocolate bar that no one asked for. Flirting and romance often just turn into caring for the person. Which, in my opinion, is a more important form of love.

Of course, a little romance will never hurt your relationship, whether we're talking about a single rose on a normal weekday or a spontaneous dinner at a romantic restaurant.

If you want to put your love and affection in words, but you are out of ideas, then you can check this AI Love Message Generator that will help you build the perfect love letter. Your significant other will definitely appreciate your efforts.

So what is eternal love then?

One day I attended a lecture by a psychiatrist about human relationships. He shared an interesting analogy for the process of love:

Acquaintance
Sympathy
Falling in Love
Friendship
Love

This analogy illustrates how love is a journey, not a destination. Many people claim they've reached the “Love” station, but the truth is, we can only truly know if we've arrived there at the end of our lives.

Eternal love, in my view, isn't about constant passion or never-ending romance. It's about choosing to stay on that train, even when the journey gets rough. It's about being willing to work through problems, to grow together, and to continually choose each other.

The essence of eternal love lies in its ability to withstand the test of time. It's about reaching your final days alongside someone who has consistently made your world and yourself better. It's about looking back on a lifetime of shared experiences, challenges overcome, and a deep, abiding connection that has endured.

However, it's crucial to understand that eternal love doesn't mean perfect love.

Every relationship faces challenges. What sets eternal love apart is the commitment to face these challenges together, to learn from them, and to use them as opportunities for growth.

Eternal love is also about mutual support and growth of both sides. It's about being with someone who encourages you to be the best version of yourself, who celebrates your successes, and who stands by you during your failures. It's about creating a partnership where both individuals can thrive.

Importantly, eternal love isn't something that just happens to you – it's something you build together, day by day, year after year. It requires effort, compromise, and sometimes, difficult conversations. But the reward is 100% worth it.

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Signs that you are on the right move to eternal love

As we've discussed, eternal love isn't something that just happens; it's something you build together over time. Here are some signs that indicate you're on the right path towards creating a lasting, meaningful relationship:

Open and honest communication. One of the most crucial aspects of a healthy relationship is the ability to communicate openly and honestly with each other. This means sharing your thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment. Remember, the moment you start hiding things or stop expressing your feelings about issues that bother you, you're creating the first crack in your relationship's foundation.
Resolving conflicts effectively. Every relationship faces challenges, but it's how you handle these difficulties that matters. Make it a priority to address and resolve issues as they arise. Unresolved conflicts or relationships can create tension and resentment, stifling both partners. Tackle problems head-on, with respect and a willingness to understand each other's perspectives.
Continuous effort and commitment. A strong relationship requires ongoing effort from both partners. If you find yourselves consistently working on your relationship, even during tough times, it's a good sign. This commitment to growth and improvement, both individually and as a couple, is crucial for building a lasting bond.
Mutual support and encouragement. Partners in a healthy relationship act as each other's biggest cheerleaders. If you consistently support each other's goals, dreams, and personal growth, you're on the right track. This mutual support creates a nurturing environment where both individuals can thrive.
Forgiveness and understanding. No one is perfect, and the ability to forgive and understand each other's mistakes is crucial. If you can move past conflicts without holding grudges, and instead use disagreements as opportunities for growth and understanding, you're building a resilient relationship.

Final word

In the end, whether you've experienced eternal love isn't something you can know at the moment. It's a question that can only be answered when you look back on the entirety of your relationship. If you find that you've shared a lifetime with someone who has consistently made your world better, someone you've always been willing to work things out with, then you can say with confidence that you've known eternal love.

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